Sometimes i wonder when bad things happen, do they actually happen one at each time or rather it just keeps coming. I've been through rough patches in life before, but somehow each time when i'm faced with it, it just puts me down, makes me demoralised and at times i even feel like giving up.

There are so many things that's bothering me right at this moment, first of all would be my health. Haven't been in the best of health for the past few weeks, keep having on & off fevers, flus, coughing, am really worried that something is really wrong in here, next comes the fear of loss. I'm not sure what i've done or perhaps it's something i said, but i really feel we are really drifiting apart from one another, sometimes there are certain matter where i would hope i could share with you, and perhaps have your opinion, but the fear of rejection or rather the fear of getting snubbed, and of course not forgetting that insecurity feeling that i've been going through.

I just wonder why do i have to go through such periods of time, it's really fucked up. It comes to a point where you are like a ship which has lost it's direction, and all these pessimestic events made me thought of him, if life was really like a remote control, where we could fast forward the bad moments in life, and pause those happy moments, how nice it would be.

I'm just trying my very best to actually solve the problem right now, i guess the only place i could seek solace would be family & friends, sometimes i try to avoid the problem, but it just keeps popping back, with a bigger one intact. I just wonder what a mess i created, i really missed the good old days where we were just plain good friends.

This thing have been bothering me for days, and if there's something i could say, it would be sorry. I'm not sure what i did or rather what happened, but give me a chance, to make things better, i do not want to lose you as a friend.

I try to hide my emotions sometimes, try to put up a smiley face even when i'm really down under and shit, but it comes to a point where i start to question myself, for what ? But i believe peoples' moods affect one another, therefore ain't it best to hide, i'm not sure.

I just really hope that things would be back to the past, and i'm on my way to the pursuit of happyness.

"Good friends are just like stars, you can't always see them, but you know they are there"